Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
