no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
