I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize