apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the raccoons are back...
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