it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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