It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
