I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
