I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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