I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
