I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
