I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
