so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
