yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
did i just pee glitter
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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