This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
