How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
