is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
