I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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