My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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