Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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