I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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