8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
