Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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