That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
