i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
