i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
