We're facebook friends in real life
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
