Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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