he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
