I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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