I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
