and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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