My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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