I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
