She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
