I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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