What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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