My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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