I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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