I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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