im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
this hospital has no fireball
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
