Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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