i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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