He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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