I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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