What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
