Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
