Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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