that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
