Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize