Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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