I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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