I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
