I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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