Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Two words: blizzard sex
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
