i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
