I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
