Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
