wakey wakey hands off snakey
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
