how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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