pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
