Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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