I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
