Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
